How can we keep our relationship strong during a fertility treatment?
For better or worse
Infertility can be a lonely journey even with the support of a loving partner. At times, you may feel misunderstood and on your own. In part, it’s because it’s unrealistic to expect one person to meet every emotional need. In part, it’s also because men and women communicate differently.
Women tend to confront a problem directly by talking things out. They seem naturally able to share feelings, especially with other women. On the other hand, men find it less natural to share their feelings and try to work out things themselves. Being aware of these differences can help you avoid misunderstandings and experience your treatment journey as a team.
| Accept the fact that men and women deal with emotions differently and solve problems differently too. You both may care just as deeply about becoming a parent, but express it in different ways. Use the Fertility Compass to discover your own coping style and compare it with the coping style of your partner. |
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Working together
Despite the strain, most couples that have been through fertility treatment say they’re brought closer by the experience.1 Their relationship is stronger at the end. It’s vital to talk things over. Use this chart to get started.
You’ll find it helps to:
- Agree on your expectations of one another without asking too much.
- Draw up a plan for the future. It helps put things in perspective and focus on what’s important should you need to make difficult decisions.
- Don’t allow fertility to rule your life. Instead, if there’s something you need to discuss, set aside a specific time and give the venue some thought. A walk in the park may be less intense than a fixed table for two.
- Put a conscious effort into planning something fun where you don’t need to talk about your fertility. It’s important to create some balance in your life.
| Conception issues are sometimes an opportunity for many couples to face their fears and resolve important issues by working together. Couples’ counselling may help. In the end, you may find you share a new level of mutual respect and understanding that has deepened your relationship in a way never before imagined. |
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Build a diverse support network
Fertility treatment is time-consuming and at times, extremely stressful. Couples may go through a range of intense emotion. Moods can swing from hope to fear, from joy to disappointment.
If you feel in need of more emotional support than your partner can give, talk to a friend or join a support group. But keep in mind that issues of infertility can challenge a man’s sense of masculinity. Come to an agreement with your partner about which aspects of your fertility treatment should remain private. You can always see a fertility counsellor if you feel a need to share more.
| Some couples will need to take more steps than others to succeed. The good news is that there’s a range of treatments available. As time goes by you may need to review your options. Learn about the fertility pathway, so you and your partner can build your own plan. |
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1. Schmidt L et al. Does infertility cause marital benefit? An epidemiological study of 2250 women and men in fertility treatment. Patient Education and Counseling 2005;59: 244–251.
