Emotional connection: coping strategies of men and women

Men and women are different. They communicate differently, deal with emotions differently and solve problems differently. They also tend to cope differently with conception difficulties. Being aware of these differences you can help you avoid misunderstandings and approach your treatment journey as a team.

Generally speaking, women tend to confront a problem directly by talking things out. They seem naturally able to share feelings, especially with other women, whom they seek out for support or advice. Whatever the problem, they like to be in possession of all the facts. Websites, forums, books, or magazines: there’s always some tip to take away.

Men tend to try to work things out on their own. They don’t find it as natural to share their feelings and try not to let a problem interfere with their daily routine. This may lead some women to question how much their partner cares. The answer may be deeply, but expressed in a different way.

Men tend to focus on the information necessary to take a decision or plan ahead. They’re unlikely to spend hours doing research. But they may check a few websites to obtain a second opinion on what a doctor said.

• Choose when and how you want to talk about your treatment. Discussions about fertility shouldn’t take over your life or your relationship. Set aside time to talk things through. Men often handle sensitive conversations better when they are actively doing something, rather than staring across a table. Go for a walk, or tackle that garden hedge together.
• Discuss your expectations of one another. No one person can meet another’s every emotional need, even at the best of times. It’s good to agree on your expectations upfront to avoid disappointment later.
• Decide how much to share beyond your partnership. It’s important that you can discuss your conception difficulties with people close to you. It’s also important that you and your partner feel secure about how much detail is being shared. Issues of infertility can challenge a man’s sense of masculinity. Come to an agreement about what details should remain private.
• Plan activities you can enjoy as a couple. It’s easy to lose romance and spontaneity when both of you are going through so much. Put a conscious effort into planning something fun, when you don’t need to talk about your fertility.
  
  Download “Working as a Team” chart to help you get started.

Emerge with a stronger relationship

The majority of couples who go through fertility treatment say the experience brought them closer and made their relationship stronger.¹

Even if you approach the matter in a different way, you may be a perfect team. Using each other’s strengths can benefit you as a couple. Communicate openly with each other and plan ahead together. Even if things don’t always go as hoped, you’ll know what to do next and will find the strength to continue. After all, you both want the same thing!

^{1. Schmidt L et al. Does infertility cause marital benefit? An epidemiological study of 2250 women and men in fertility treatment. Patient Education and Counseling 2005;59: 244–251.}