How can I tell my partner we need to see a doctor?

Ensuring your partner is on board

Often times, a couple’s interest in starting a family is driven by the female partner. Her biological clock ticks more loudly and although infertility is rare, a woman will be alert to her body’s signals. She’ll follow her cycle and count the months as they go by. She’ll browse articles about infertility or speak with friends about their conception experience.

Men, on the other hand, may appear to be unaware that time is passing. They may need to be convinced that the time has come to seek medical advice. The idea that they may have contributed in some way to their conception difficulties may shake their self-esteem and their image of masculinity.

If there are conception issues to be faced, you need to address them as a couple. The only question is how. Men aren’t necessarily comfortable discussing intimate aspects of their relationship. The same is true of fertility issues. It’s understandable; many men equate fertility with virility, which is bound up with their self-image.

Conception difficulties are just as likely to affect men as they are women. Male infertility is the primary diagnosis in approximately 25% of cases and contributes to a further 15–25% of the remaining cases.¹ It is important that both partners are investigated to determine the right course of action.

How to ensure your partner is on board

Approach your partner over a walk or an extended drive. Men are often more comfortable with conversation when they’re actively doing something rather than staring across the table.
Try to limit the amount of detail and depth of worry that you share in the first conversation. He may feel left behind and wonder how long you’ve been worrying about the subject alone. This can be divisive. What you actually want is to embark on a journey together. Learn all you need to together. Fertility.com will help answer questions ranging from lifestyle changes to treatment options. Start by sending your partner the link to fertility.com.
Make him feel it is a joint decision: reassure him that as a couple, you’ll retain control. The decisions you take will be based on the information you receive from your doctor. Men may not always demonstrate initiative or lead the decision-making process in fertility issues. But they may not want to be led either. Involve him in the decision-making process.

No matter how uncomfortable it may feel, it’s important that you speak with your partner. You owe it to yourself. Peace of mind comes with the knowledge that you’ve taken all the necessary steps to fulfil your desire for a child. Talking to a doctor will help you identify any obstacles in your way.

Fertility declines with age, as do treatment success rates.² If you need to seek medical advice it’s important not to postpone the decision.

^{1. Collins J.A. Evidence-based infertility: evaluation of the female partner. International Congress Series 2004; 1266: 57–62. 2. Age and Fertility. A Guide for Patients. ASRM 2003; http://www.asrm.org/Patients/patientbooklets/agefertility.pdf}

Cervical mucus

A natural lubricant produced by the female body that aids the transportation of sperm and helps protect against infection.

Cervix

The cervix or neck of the uterus is the lower, narrow portion of the uterus where it joins with the top end of the vagina.

Chlamydia

A sexually-transmitted infection, which may be asymptomatic or cause genital inflammation and discharge, pelvic pain and fever. Untreated, chlamydia can lead to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) and fertility problems.

Chromosomes

Structures found in the nucleus of cells that contain genes and carry heredity information, such as eye colour, blood type and vulnerability to disease. Humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes. One set of 23 chromosomes is inherited from the biological mother via her egg and the other from the biological father, via his sperm. Each sperm cell contains either male or female sex chromosomes. As such, it determines the gender of the foetus. Genetic abnormalities occur when an individual is born missing a chromosome or has more copies of a chromosomal pair.

Clomiphene citrate

A prescription drug used to bring on ovulation. It comes as a tablet and is often used as an initial treatment for women with ovulation problems. Clomiphene citrate induces ovulation in 80% of women who have trouble ovulating on their own.

Conception

The moment of fertilization when the sperm meets and penetrates the egg.

Congenital abnormalities

Physical abnormalities present at birth.

Corpus luteum

A hormone-secreting mass within the ovary that forms from the remains of a follicle each time an egg is released. The hormones it produces prepare the uterus for embryo implantation. If pregnancy does not occur, the mass is shed during menstruation.

Cryopreservation

A technique used to store human tissue at very low temperatures. Embryos that are not used in an ART cycle may be preserved in this way for future use. Also known as “Freezing”.

Cryptorchidism

A condition usually detected at birth or childhood whereby the testicles fail to descend. When a male foetus develops in the uterus, his testicles normally form inside his abdomen and descend into the scrotum shortly before birth. Undescended testicles usually descend themselves by the sixth month of life, but are unlikely to descend after this period of their own accord.

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